Like many brides before me, getting engaged meant I had to stop regularly chopping off my hair and actually let it grow. Dang it.

I’ve had long(ish) hair on and off all my life, mainly because I always think it’d be nice to have it, but then as soon as I actually get halfway to having long hair, I get sick of it and chop it off. It always gets too unruly, or too tangly, or takes way too long to blow-dry and I decide, screw it, see ya, hair.

But I’m holding out, because of this:

Image via Project Wedding

Image via Scruples Hair Design

Image via Scruples Hair Design

Photo by Marni Rothschild Pictures via The Knot

Oooooh, and this:

From hive member ddubzz’s wedding

Which means…I needed to drastically change the way I deal with my hair if I don’t want to hate it and chop it all off again.

• Split ends and damage—I started going to get my hair trimmed every six weeks. You know, the way you’re supposed to.
• Breakage at crown—Supposedly, combing wet hair causes less damage near the roots of your hair than brushing it does. I don’t really get the logic of this, but I’m doing it.
• Greasy looking within a couple hours of shampooing—I’ve always had this problem when I grow out my hair, so I switched to a fancy shampoo brand. I kind of hate how much money I’m spending on shampoo, but I’ve noticed that this is MUCH less of a problem now. So I figure I’ll just stick it out with the high-quality brand until the wedding, then when I cut all my hair off I can switch back to the two-dollar-a-bottle kind.

Anybody else growing out their hair kind of against their will? Or any hair tips I should be following?

Do you believe in free will? You know, the idea that we humans have complete control over our lives, and can freely choose our actions? That we can, by force of will, determine the shapes and details of our lives? Or do you think our lives are predetermined — by the gods, our genes, our childhood, the accidents we’ve had, or the past choices we’ve made before?

The ancient Greeks and Romans seemed to think it was a mix of the two: that humans had some control over a lot of their quotidian decisions and actions but that their ultimate fates were decided by the capricious gods. (So if the folks up in the heavens decided, say, your ship was going to get blown off course while you were on your way to founding Rome, that would happen one way or the other, whether or not you spent a little time shacking up with Dido, Queen of Carthage — if your name was Aeneas, that is, and Venus was your mama.) Most religious people, these days, probably have a similar outlook: The god they believe in has the last say about what’s going to happen to you, but you can alter your fate by freely choosing to do whatever your religion says is “the right thing.” Meanwhile, a lot of people seem to think free will is all that’s required.

Many shrinks and neuroscientists — not to mention those contentious evolutionary biologists — would argue that we really don’t have free will. Why? We can’t choose our parents, or our DNA, and these two factors (nurture and nature) have an overwhelming impact on our development and our futures.

But a recent piece in The New York Times makes the point that “regardless of whether free will exists, our society depends on everyone’s believing it does,” as John Tierney writes. “The benefits of this belief have been demonstrated in other research showing that when people doubt free will, they do worse at their jobs and are less honest.”

He continues:

“In one experiment, some people read a passage from Francis Crick, the molecular biologist, asserting that free will is a quaint old notion no longer taken seriously by intellectuals, especially not psychologists and neuroscientists. Afterward, when compared with a control group that read a different passage from Crick … these people expressed more skepticism about free will — and promptly cut themselves some moral slack while taking a math test.

Asked to solve a series of arithmetic problems in a computerized quiz, they cheated by getting the answers through a glitch in the computer that they’d been asked not to exploit. The supposed glitch, of course, had been put there as a temptation by the researchers, Kathleen Vohs of the University of Minnesota and Jonathan Schooler of the University of California, Santa Barbara. … This behavior in the lab, the researchers noted, squares with studies in recent decades showing an increase in the number of college students who admit to cheating.”

Tierney was talking about cheating on tests, but if you ask me, it’s easy to extrapolate the argument to dating: I think people who tell themselves that free will is an illusion — and that they therefore have little or no control over their primitive hormonal urges or their bad behaviors — they’re a lot more likely to break promises, sneak around, and generally behave badly.

Tierney quotes one study by Vohs and Schooler like this: “Doubting one’s free will may undermine the sense of self as agent. Or, perhaps, denying free will simply provides the ultimate excuse to behave as one likes.”

Yep.

So perhaps it’s good to know that, as Tierney notes, “there is also a school of philosophers — in fact, perhaps the majority school — who consider free will compatible with their definition of determinism. These compatibilists believe that we do make choices, even though these choices are determined by previous events and influences. In the words of Arthur Schopenhauer, ‘Man can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills.’”

Anyway, all this makes me think we’ve landed on a great first date conversation. Discussion topic for your next get together with your guy: free will! What do you think?

Having a wedding in Italy is great. The food is simply amazing. (Sorry, but you just can’t get food as good as Italian food in Italy.) The atmosphere is jovial. The scenery is wonderful. The history and culture surrounding you are enriching.

Image via Destination-Weddings-Abroad

BUT…it’s a nightmare if you’re as hooked on American weddings as I am.

If you are currently planning a wedding in Italy or are thinking about it, here is all you need to know:

1. If you want your marriage to be legal, your ceremony options are limited.

Forget about ceremonies in forests, in front of a tree, or even in your parents’ backyard. Forget about choosing a friend to be your officiant. In Italy you can legally only get married in a Catholic church or in a building that is property of the town hall. Only a priest or a town hall official can marry you.

Many town halls are getting smarter now and are offering beautiful locations for civil marriages (at a pretty steep price if you’re not a resident), but still the options are limited.

2. Communication problems

I was really surprised at how many vendors could not speak English—especially considering that our wedding location is a very popular tourist destination. I was also really surprised at how bad (or nonexistent) the internet sites of these vendors were. Be prepared for this and, if you don’t speak Italian, it might be a good idea to contact a wedding planner.

3. Different traditions

In Italy there is no rehearsal dinner or bridal shower.

There is also no bridal party, so don’t be confused if the Italian girl you asked to be your bridesmaid gets offended if you ask her to wear the same dress someone else is wearing.

Guests often play practical jokes on the newlywed couple. It’s common to cut the groom’s tie during the reception and sell the pieces or to “break into” the newlyweds’ house, so it might happen that once home you’ll find a door stuck shut or itching powder in your bed!

It’s also customary to give guests a bomboniera (a favor), which usually consists of a decor item containing five confetti (sugared almonds) wrapped in lace. The almonds symbolize health, wealth, fertility, happiness, and long life.

It’s also still widely popular to throw rice at the newlywed couple after the ceremony. I’d never heard of other alternatives until I started reading wedding blogs!

4. Everyone is invited.

In Italy all your family, friends, and acquaintances get invited to your wedding. The trick is that everyone gets invited to the ceremony, but only your nearest and dearest also get invited to the reception! This is why the invitations are always comprised of two cards, one for the ceremony and one for the reception.

5. DIY is pretty much unheard of.

Most women in Italy can cook, sew, and knit. (I can only cook.) But all this DIY goodness that seems to be so popular and widespread in the States is not common at all in Italy! So even if you want to prepare tons of DIY projects, it will be extremely challenging to find all the materials you need. You should either get them shipped from the States or sit back, relax, and try to free yourself from the pressure to DIY everything,,,

6. Dinner expectations

If you are having a wedding in Italy with Italian guests, I would advise you to go for a seated lunch/dinner. This is the most common option, and I’ve never heard of anyone having a buffet for a wedding meal: it’s simply not done. The good thing is that since this is what is expected, no restaurants will charge you more for it!

Also, while it’s very easy to have your reception in a restaurant or rent a villa and get catering, it’s not as easy to find original wedding locations such as museums, barns, art galleries, zoos, outdoor areas…I’m not saying it’s impossible, it’s just not common and thus it will require some extra effort.

7. Unless you ship it over or find American vendors, you can forget about:

• Mini-hamburger appetizers: le sigh…
• Themed food stations with toppings: I would LOVE to have a mac-and-cheese station with all the different toppings.
• Chiavari chairs: Chair covers are still the most common option.
• Letterpress: not common
• Great videography: At least I have not yet found a videographer who could be compared to the American ones I’ve seen—if you have, please share!!
• Photo booth rental: You’ll have to make your own!
• Choosing colored linen/napkins/table runners: You might have the choice between one or two options, but I haven’t (yet) found a linen rental company.
• Dessert buffets with cupcakes, macarons, donuts, or ice cream bars: These are not very easy to come by. This is because these sweets are not part of the traditional Italian patisserie, so not all pastry shops will provide them—and there’s a high probability that the patisserie your restaurant collaborates with does not.
• Vintage furniture rental: Again, I’m not saying it’s impossible, just that it’s not common or easy to find. Most rental companies are targeted for corporations, so they mostly have furniture that would either be perfect for a fair or for a chic, modern lounge event. It was also very difficult to find any company that would rent decor items: it’s much easier to find a florist or venue that already has an extensive collection of the decor items you like.

Luckily it’s not all bad—and none of the above points has any influence at all on the celebration of your love on your wedding day!

Do you think you’d like planning a wedding in Italy?

What are the challenges you encountered with your wedding location?

You guys, there are many things that I don’t care about, my appearance being one of them. This doesn’t mean that I always look sloppy, but I’m certainly no fashionista, and most days I leave the house without looking at a mirror.

I don’t know, that’s just the way I’ve always been. It took me until my senior year of college to finally brush my hair all the way through every day. I know, I know, its terrible, but I’ve just never been into it. Nowadays, I do brush my hair, but that’s about it. (Although, I carry around a pony tail elastic in case there is a hair in face situation). When I had long hair, I’d twist it up into a hair lump every day because it was always in my way, but I don’t do that as much anymore.

Suffice it to say, I want to do something a little more fancy for the wedding. Granted, a little more fancy might be enough, so I think I might go big. I’m thinking maybe an up do? Those always look nice in pictures.

Granted, my lack of hair smarts kind of mean that almost all up dos look identical to me, but I reallllly am making an effort to find something that I like and that is appropriate for a traditional wedding.

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That’s it, but I don’t think this is over yet, team. Updo, half up do, quarter updo? Up do and a half? You haven’t heard the last from this Giraffe.

How did you choose your wedding hair? Really, I could use some tips!

When I was dating my last girlfriend, I got spiteful at
times. When she forgot to text me when she got home after going out with her friends, I vowed to “forget” to tell her when I got home after a night out. When she’d forget to write back to a question via text, I’d add to my running tally of times I’d ignore her
questions on text. It was an eye for an eye…and somewhat immature.

Dating makes us vengeful. Here are some examples of how we
seek revenge in dating:

Flirting

This kind of revenge plays itself out consistently
throughout relationships. Usually, when a couple goes out, one person in the
couple gets hit on or talks “too long” to someone of the opposite sex.

At this point, the other person in the couple can either
integrate themselves into the conversation, stand there looking stupid, or flirt
someone on their own for their significant other to see. Sometimes, it’s about saying: “Hey look, I’m desirable too,”
or “if you’re going to flirt, then I will too.”

Sex With a “Strategic” Person

Unfortunately, people don’t always take sex seriously. This can be used as a vehicle for revenge. For example the “pole theory” — pursuing people with relationships on both ends of the spectrum of your significant other’s life. In other words, someone that is close to them
(like a best friend) or someone they hate (like your ex).

Don’t get me wrong, if you have sex with a random it will
obviously upset your significant other. But it stings more if you have sex with someone they love or hate.

Rejection Regardless of Actual Feelings

I’m guilty of this immature maneuver. A girl once told me
she only liked me as a friend, and “valued” that friendship. So, I packed this rejection away in my mind, knowing that she’d be back wanting more. Over the next few months I was an attractive friend who did
his best to make himself look desirable to many women in front of my friend. I
wanted her to realize she missed a chance…so I could have my chance at revenge.

Sure enough, eventually she told me she had a change of
heart. I didn’t hesitate to consider if I still had feelings for her. I told
her: “Too bad, I only like you as a friend.”

Who knows if I ruined a chance at a great relationship? I
was more intent on evening up the rejection score.

What do you think of my list and what ways would you add to
the list. Have you ever been a victim of revenge, or sought revenge on a
significant other? If so, how?